You

Sometimes I am embarrassed because I want so much to be loved (especially by you). I never felt like I was good enough or special enough so I always left first. I hate it. I hate that I have left so many people behind. From the bottom of my heart I hope they forgave me because I am crippling with shame and regret for leaving without saying anything. Every girl, boy, friend, companion and lover that felt connected to me or even felt a shred of my affection when my guard was down. I wish I was better. 

I love you (Niles). I want to have something that resembles a functional relationship with you. Something I can be proud of, something I can feel safe and confident in. I might be ashamed of how much I desire to be loved but I think it is justified because I think love is amazing and love can be enjoyable.